Deep Throat

Matagal ko nang gustong panoorin ‘to, nakakalimutan ko lang i-download. Ayun, na-download ko na kanina. Kakain lang muna ako bago manood. Disclaimer lang: Panonoorin ko ang pelikulang ito bilang isang iskolar. Hahaha!

 

What’s in the baaaaax?

Today is David Fincher Day. Line-up: Zodiac, The Game, Panic Room, and Se7en. Can’t wait to see Brad Pitt screaming: What’s in the baaaaaax?

Ganito ang gawin sa mainit na gabi:

Magsuot ng puti. Patayin ang white light at buksan ang yellow light. Kumuha ng pamaypay. Ihanda ang ice cubes. Magsindi ng yosi at paglaruin ang usok sa kuwarto. Pumuwesto sa sofa at siguraduhing maganda ang tama ng ilaw sa mukha at katawan (pag-aralan ang mga Baroque painting para makasiguro sa anggulo). Paypayan nang marahan ang katawan at hayaang tumulo ang pawis. Magpatuloy sa paghithit-buga. Bitiwan ang pamaypay at kunin ang ice cube. Pumikit at laruin ito sa bahagyang nakabukang labi. Lumunok.Padaain ito sa leeg at paikutin sa bandang dibdib. Damhin ang lamig (manood ng mga pelikulang Thai o Indonesian para makasiguro sa gagawin).

DVD Day

Plantsado na ang sched ko bukas. Ayokong magtrabaho. Ayokong mamasyal. Ayokong magpunta sa library. Gusto ko, sa bahay lang. Gusto kong kumain. Gusto kong manahimik lang. Gusto kong manood ng DVD.

1. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs – Sana umulan ng fried chicken (spicy) at matamis na matamis na spaghetti. With matching ulan na coke. Samahan na rin ng Chance of Meatballs, julie and julia, paranormal activity, beauty and the beast, 500 days of yelo. Now na.

2. (500) Days of Summer – Tapos na ang hype. Wala nang ibang nakikiuso. Kaya pwede ko nang panoorin.

3. Julie and Julia – You can never go wrong with Meryl Streep and Amy Adams. Yun na yon.

4. Paranormal Activity – Just watched [Rec]. We’ll see.

5. Beauty and the Beast – Wala lang. Gusto ko lang uling panoorin.

Eiga Sai 2009

From the Japan Foundation, Manila:

In celebration of Philippines–Japan Friendship Month, the Japan Foundation, Manila, in cooperation with the Embassy of Japan, the Shangri-La Plaza Mall, and the UP Film Institute proudly presents a Japanese Contemporary Film Festival, titled “Eigasai ‘09” (literally means ‘film festival’ in Japanese) that will serve as its kick-off activity on July 2, 2009 at Shang Cineplex Cinema 3 for the month-long celebration.

“Eigasai ‘09” aims to bolster further the diplomatic relations between the Philippines and Japan by continuously providing an opportunity for Filipinos to enhance the understanding and appreciation of Japanese arts and culture explored in this medium. This year’s offering brings together 7 contemporary films and 1 anime film in 35mm format. An invitational screening of Always – Sunset on Third Street (Always San-chome no yuhi, 2005) by director Yamazaki Takashi will be held on July 2, 2009 (Thursday) at 7:00 p.m. at the Shangri-La Plaza Cinema 3, Edsa, Mandaluyong City.

Other films to be featured are Memories of Matsuko (Kiraware Matsuko no issho, 2006) directed by Nakashima Tetsuya, Kamome Diner (Kamome shokudo, 2006) directed by Ogigami Naoko, Memories of Tomorrow (Ashita no kioku, 2006) directed by Tsutsumi Yukihiko, The Milkwoman (Itsuka dokusho suru hi, 2005) directed by Ogata Akira, Turn Over – An Angel Is Coming on a Bicycle (Futari biyori, 2004) directed by Nomura Keiichi, Tony Takitani (Toni Takitani, 2004) directed by Ichikawa Jun, and the sole anime film Mind Game (Mind Game, 2004) directed by Masaaki Yuasa.

All films will be shown with English subtitles. Admission is free. Screening venues are at the Shangri-La Plaza Cinema 3 (July 2 to 12) and UP Film Institute (August 14 to 20). “Eigasai ‘09” will also have provincial screenings that will commence in Gaisano South City Mall, Davao (July 18 and 19); Ayala Center, Cebu (July 28 to Aug 2) and Baguio Center Mall, Baguio (August 7 to 11). For detailed screening schedules and inquiries, please access the Japan Foundation, Manila website or call the JFM telephone numbers (+632) 811-6155 to 58.

Of Gums and Dentures

Sa title pa lang, B movie na B movie ang dating ng Drag me to Hell. Kaya nga pinanood ko dahil sa campy feel ng title, poster, at trailer. And I wasn’t disappointed.

1. Ito ang masasabi ko: Mrs. Ganush FTW!!!

2. Hag fight with lots and lots of gums and dentures involved. Mrs Ganush biting Christine with her gums is riot.

3. LOL and hilarious lines: “I beat you, you old bitch!” “Here kitty, kitty…” (poor cat. haha!)

4. Classic Raimi. Love the Evil Dead and Army of Darkness tongue in cheek humor in the film.

5.  Chilling high pitched violin = Fantastic sound effects.

6. Superb ending. Predictable, but superb. Di ko pa rinmakalimutan ang pag-atras ni Christine sa train station. haha!

7. Talking goat, squirting nosebleeds, stapled eyeball, an eyeball in a piece of cake, evil panyo, greenish and yellowish phlegms, gums, and more gums. Panoorin ninyo na lang.

Van Gogho-hum

French Film Festival na naman. E, ‘yong super excited akong kumandi-kandirit papuntang sa Shangri-La. Van Gogh ang 8 pm screening. Interesting, sabi ko. Art Studies naman ang undergrad ko, so mukhang magugustuhan ko.

Ang ganda. Sobra. Sarap matulog sa sinehan. Kung gusto mong ma-coma, panoorin mo ‘to.

Draaaaaaging! Ang daming unnecessary scenes. Confused ang filmmaker kung ano ang ifo-focus (problema ng mga baguhang indie-indiehang direktor sa Pinas). Makatunaw-pasensiya ang editing. Namatay talaga ako no’ng nasa loob ako ng sinehan. Kung ugali ko lang ang magwalk-out, lalayasan ko talaga.

Alam kong may paepek ang direktor kung bakit gano’n ang approach niya. Pero, sorry. Di umepek sa akin. Sa iba siguro. na-trauma tuloy si Stan, ‘yong friend ni Anmare na baguhan sa French Film Fest. Di na raw uli siya manonood. Haha!

2008 Cine Europa Film Festival

So far nakakasampung pelikula pa lang ako. Anim pa ang di ko napapanood. Kinokompetensiya ko kasi sina Anne at Angelo (alam n’yo naman ako, di nagpapatalo sa mga ganitong bagay. hahahaha). hanggang 21 pa naman, so malamang makumpleto ko. Saka na ang review, ‘pag napanood ko na lahat. Pero ang top 3 ko so far ay: Children of the Moon, And When Did You Last See Your Father?, at The Paper Will Be Blue.

Eto ang mga napanood ko na (dumugo ang mata ko sa sept 14 screening!):

Sept 14 – The Paper Will Be blue
Children of the Moon
And When Did You Last See Your Father?
Mozart in China
Night Run

Sept 15 – Hands Off Mississippi
Beauty in Trouble
After the Wedding

Sept 16 – Chemical Hunger
100 Steps

Linda Linda Linda

Panahon na naman ng Eiga Sai. No’ng nabasa ko’ng synopsis ng “Linda Linda Linda”, sabi ko, mapanood nga. Mukhang light comedy at di ‘yong typical mindfuck Japanese films.

Inaantok ako no’ng unang 10 minuto. Dala siguro ng sobrang pagod. Halos sumadsad na kasi sa sahig ang dila ko sa kamamadaling makarating sa Shangri-La.

So, balik tayo sa pelikula. ‘Yon nga, inantok ako sa umpisa. Di ko kasi masundan kasi andaming pangalang sinasabi. Iniisip ko, sino sa kanila si Linda? Saka ko lang nalaman na pamagat pala ‘yon ng kanta ng Japanese punk band na blue Hearts.

Tungkol ‘to sa isang all-girl high school band na naghahanap ng bagong bokalista. Napakatipikal ng kuwento. Pero wala akong panahong magpaka-intelektuwal no’ng pinapanood ko ‘to. Basta ang alam ko, napatawa niya ako. Solb na ako do’n. Solb na solb, sa totoo lang.

Pinakagusto kong eksena ‘yong nag-meet si Son at ‘yong secret admirer niya sa equipment room. Halong kilig at tawa at inis at awa.

Andito si Noriko ng “Battle Royale” at ‘yong isang artista sa “Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance”.

Para akong niregaluhan ng dalawang suntok sa tiyan matapos kong panoorin to. Nawala ang pagod ko. No’ng naglalakad nga ako papasok sa trabaho, na-LSS ako sa kanta.

Linda Lindaaaaaa…Linda Linda Lindaaaaaa-ha…Linda Lindaaaaaa…

Temptation Island: Where Bitches Bitch Around with Fellow Bitches

One of the campiest movies of all time.

Synopsis: Dina (Dina Bonnevie), Bambi (Bambi Arambulo), Azenith (Azenith Briones). and Suzanne (Jennifer Cortez) are vying for the title of the famed Miss Manila Sunshine. They are then invited to a yacht cruise as part of the contest’s semi-finals. By some freak accident, yacht catches fire and the four contestants, together with the screaming high society queen Joshua, Suzanne’s maid, and three hot studs are thrown into a deserted island. And the rest is history.

See these Clips.

Here are some of my favorite lines (mind-boggling, no-nonsense dialogues, hahaha!):

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Suzanne: Ah! Careful, careful now. ‘Wag mo masyadong idiin at masisira ang beauty ng complexion ko. Alam mo namang mahirap ma-achieve ang golden tan. Importanteng mapuntahan ko ang party ni Bambi mamaya. Hmph! Birthday na naman ng bruha, kailangang matalbugan ko siya. Kailangang ako at hindi siya ang pansinin ng mga boys mamaya. Like what happened last year…
—————————————- —————————————- —————————————- —————
Suzanne: Sabihin mo kay Vicente na ihanda ang Mercedes na charcoal gray…Mas gusto ko yatang magpahatid, para I can leave anytime I want. Late entrance, early exit. ‘Yan ang dramatic!
—————————————- —————————————- —————————————- —————
Bambi: Sus! Budget! Mommy naman panay budget! Mas importante pa yata ang budget kesa birthday ko! Diyos ko last year tatlong kombo tumugtog sa birthday ko, ngayon tape recorder na lang.
—————————————- —————————————- —————————————- —————
Azenith: Maraming klaseng puta. May big time. May small time. Pwes, big time ako!
—————————————- —————————————- —————————————- —————
Mrs. Belisario: …Alam niyo, Mrs. Syjuco, my daughter is still a virgin kaya ingat na ingat ako sa kanya. You will not believe this if I tell you all the things that I saw there to be English, you know…and all that!
—————————————- —————————————- —————————————- —————
Bambi: Bitch!
Suzanne: Darling, ‘di ko sinasadya. Hindi kita napansin.
Bambi: It must have been failing eyesight.
Suzanne: Really now, 20/20 yata ang vision ko.
Bambi: Sorry ha. I thought that was your bust line.
—————————————- —————————————- —————————————- —————
Azenith: Late comer? Sa gitna ng dagat? Eh, anong sinakyan mo…taxi?
—————————————- —————————————- —————————————- —————
Azenith: Ako naman si Azenith. Well, I’m sure we’ll get along fine, tulad ng kasabihang birds of the same feathers flock together.
—————————————- —————————————- —————————————- —————
Suzanne: As I was saying, this is a bright sunny day. A day in the light of the sun’s rays. This is how I begin my day. An hour of tender loving care in the eight o’clock sunshine! ‘Yan ang sikreto ng aking youthful complexion, parang nasa tabi lang tayo ng swimming pool.
Azenith: O baka naman na-sun stroke ka lang?
Suzanne: It’s Ms. Manila Sunshine not Ms. Manila Sun Stroke.
—————————————- —————————————- —————————————- —————
Suzanne: But of course. Alam mo namang my lungs is always on fire. I’m not a foolish virgin.
Azenith: Che! You’re not a virgin. Period.
—————————————- —————————————- —————————————- —————
Suzanne: Shut up! Walang humihingi ng opinyon mo. Mag-alis kayo ng panty kung gusto ninyo but my panty stays right where it is.
—————————————- —————————————- —————————————- —————
Joshua: Hay, nakakapagod palang gumawa ng bahay kahit na bahay-bahayan lang. Well, Rome was not built in a day if you can build Rome.
Suzanne: Wala akong carpenter complex, so I don’t know what you’re talking about.
—————————————- —————————————- —————————————- —————
Suzanne: Let’s face it! Kayo talagang mga bakla mahilig mangolekta. Mahilig mangolekta ng records, mga antiques at ikaw mahilig mangolekta ng mga lalake. Poor, proletariat, indigent men.
Joshua: It’s simple, darling. I’m just trying to make up for the things that I didn’t have.
Suzanne: You’re trying to make up for the things that you never had.
Joshua: Bitch.
—————————————- —————————————- —————————————- —————
Suzanne: Maria, pakikuha mo nga ang make-up kit ko sa kabilang bundok, nakalimutan ko eh.
Maria: Opo, senyorita.
—————————————- —————————————- —————————————- —————
Azenith: Ah, shit!
Umberto: Ano ba ibig sabihin ng shit?
Azenith: Bakit? Di mo alam ibig sabihin nun?
Umberto: Pero gusto ko marinig sa yo. English yun di ba?
Azenith: Oo.
Umberto: Ano nga ibig sabihin?
Azenith: Eh, di dumi.
Umberto: Dumi? Tae yon di ba?
Azenith: Expression lang yun.
—————————————- —————————————- —————————————- —————
Suzanne: Gutom na gutom na ako!
Bambi: Lunukin mo laway mo.
—————————————- —————————————- —————————————- —————
Azenith: Walang tubig, walang pagkain. Eh ‘di magsayaw na lang tayo.
—————————————- —————————————- —————————————- —————
Azenith: At kung ganon pagsama-samahan natin ang ating lahat na ari-arian at magumpisa tayo sa panty mo! Girls!
(They attack Suzanne.)
—————————————- —————————————- —————————————- —————
Suzanne: Kukuruku! Umaga na! Good morning! What did you have for breakfast? Eggs benedict? At si Umberto ba ang nag-serve?
—————————————- —————————————- —————————————- —————
Suzanne: What are bitches for? But to bitch around with fellow bitches.
—————————————- —————————————- —————————————- —————
Bambi: Well, as I say, good manners spoil good food so…(kumuha ng kapirasong karne ni Joshua)
Alfred: ‘Wag niyo na isipin ang kung anu-ano. And maybe it would help kung lahat tayo magdasal nang tahimik habang kumakain.
Suzanne: Umberto, yaman din lamang waiter ka, ba’t di mo kami pagsilbihan?
—————————————- —————————————- —————————————- —————
Suzanne: Talaga! Palibhasa mga magulang mo taga-bundok! Kaya walang laman ‘yang utak mo kundi kamoteng kahoy!
Maria: ‘Wag niyo naman ho sila idamay dito.
Suzanne: Shit silang lahat! Pati ninuno mo…shit!
—————————————- —————————————- —————————————- —————
Maria: Oo, kung tawagin mo kong tonta, idiota, ileterada at kung anu-ano pa pero ito ang tandaan mo–ang tao kahit walang pinag-aralan ay may damdamin din na ‘pag nasaktan ay humanda ka! Hayop ka! Kakalbuhin kita!
Suzanne: Oo na. Babayaran kita pagdating natin sa Maynila.
Maria: ‘Yan ang sabihin mo.
—————————————- —————————————- —————————————- —————
Dina: Mukhang tatagal pa tayo sa islang ‘to, tatagal pa! Habang buhay pa so please alang-alang kay Joshua, alang-alang sa ‘ting lahat, let’s all be friends!